Deviation Actions
Literature Text
Created and written by: Jordan “ChaosReacon” Simmons
Episode 00/Chapter 00: - Prologue -
The year… is 2019. Many years after the fall of the golden age, most of the land being laid to ruin. Desolation in every direction with only the sound of howling wind being the ear’s only company in the midst of the sandstorm.
The sound of footsteps began to echo in the distance as a dark hooded man pushed through the harsh weather. His shoes crunched with every step as his only protection was his leather jacket, bandanna and goggles, as he pressed on towards the broken down city. The scenery was the prefect description of a survival horror movie, with the buildings toppled upon one another, electrical wiring falling out of their protective cables, and shattered glass out on the streets. As the man got closer to the heart of the city, a radio broadcast began to play a distorted melody as if to comfort the hell around it.
The man then stops in front of a newspaper stand before continuing on. He looked into the distance as the words repeated through his mind, ‘What if the truth wasn’t for the good of man-kind?’ He continued calmly through the city as the melody had stopped as the sounds of an old radio broadcast system was being reborn.
“A message to all those out there.”
Silence was its only reply as the spokesperson continued.
“To anyone that is still alive and listening. The time has come. Good men and women have fallen to “our” corrupt leaders. New generations are being lead to live a lie, welcoming Hell as its new home.” A few seconds of silence began to feel like an eternity in the sleeping city as the wind swept through.
“It is time. For all those that resist the mark, it’s time to make a stand.”
The man passes through a corridor, just staring at what would drive normal humans insane.
“Join the resistance.”
In the dark room, the dark hooded man spoke into the microphone as the air around began to resonate its empty spaces as if to lash out against the taboo.
"And for all that are part of the resistance. The three-headed snake is among us.”
Only angry sounds of mother nature remained as the dark hooded man continued. “I repeat; the three-headed snake is among us. To those that can hear this. Now is the time to stand up for what is right. For the justice that lies in wait for what is due.”
The blackness began to crawl as the man concluded, “For we are… God’s Divine.”
The End – Episode 00/Chapter 00: - Prologue -
Hey guys. This is a series that I've been working on for the last couple of years and now I've gotten the guts to write it out. Originally I just going to create the manga and commission writers to create a novel version of the series, but now I've found that I have the talent to pull it off. And huge thanks to the group of friends that have helped out with the series.
I still plan on releasing a manga version of the series, but it will take a while as I still have a day-job and still getting used to actually creating my characters concept art. So we'll see where that will go.
Next Chapter - God's Divine Ep. 01/Ch. 01 (Revise 2015)
Latest Chapter - Ep. 01/Ch. 01
Prologue Character - Prologue Character Concept Art
And so without further adieu,
Enjoy.
P.S. All forms criticisms are appreciated.
Overall Vision Originality Technique ImpactThis was a pretty attractive beginning--the dreary landscape combined with the message made for a chilling atmosphere and raised questions about the nature of the plot.
As far as constructive criticism goes, it was initially hard to tell whether the person speaking was using a radio or a television broadcast, so I'd suggest making that clearer. Also, there were some awkward sentences:
"The melody was then cut short as the sounds of old machinery was being reborn."
AND
"The air around began to resonate its empty spaces as if to out lash against the taboo while the message continued."
Third, there was some ambiguity towards the end in regards to the walking man's location. It was mentioned earlier that he was outside, but all of a sudden he's in some kind of room, and I wasn't sure if that meant he went inside a building to hear the message or was there all along.
Lastly, it is usually ill-advised to use sound effects when writing prose. Instead of writing 'crunch crunch', it would be better to say "His boots crunched with every step" or something similar.
Regardless of the above, though, this was a great beginning. You captured the atmosphere and mood quite well, and the description was lovely. Keep writing!
(I came to this deviation via the Monthly Lit Critique Thread in the forums: forum.deviantart.com/art/liter… )